Sometimes you need to get better bouncers


“People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense, fear, and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to feed you their negativity, please remember that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you into positive action.” 
– Steve Maraboli –

I met a dear friend and client for coffee yesterday morning and we were talking about how tricky life can be sometimes.

Sometimes stuff can just get thrown at you, completely left field, with no notice or advance warning and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. And sometimes the news can be so big and so life-changing that it can totally rock your world.

In fact it can rock your world so much that it wakes up the voice in your head that likes to beat you up. The voice that always gives you a good kicking when you’re already feeling pretty rubbish. The voice that loves to wallow in self-pity and tell you how bad life is, and how there’s no way out.

When I was talking to my friend, I related that voice to the equivalent of a person that is trying to get into a party, but who’s name isn’t on the list. And I equated the party, to be how you truly want to be inside and in life, which is loving, and peaceful and happy.

For a long time, that voice, (we’ll refer to them as the Gatecrasher for the purposes of the metaphor) used to crash my party (my life) regularly. They would turn up, unannounced and start ruining everything. They’d be really drunk for a start, so be swearing at all the people already having fun, trying to pick fights and generally just messing stuff up. They’d be drinking all of the alcohol, telling everyone that they hated the music, kicking in the speakers and refusing to dance and have fun. Their intention was to ruin the party.

For years and years and years I used to let this happen. And normally, the Gatecrasher would turn up, just when the party was getting really good. Until I realised that I had beautifully strong, loving and caring friends who could act as bouncers for the party and as soon as the Gatecrasher turned up and things got out of hand, they would pick them up and very kindly and carefully escort them out of the party, letting them know that they weren’t welcome.

So, if you imagine the Gatecrasher is the negative voice in my head, I started to get good at asking it to leave and not come back.

Now of course, sometimes they would refuse to go and kick up a bit of a stink, and at that point more people at the party would need to get involved to ask them to kindly leave. And other times we’d remove them and they’d loiter outside, shouting and causing a fuss until we all ignored them and they went away.

Over the last few years I have employed stronger and better bouncers for the life long party that is going on inside me, and the Gatecrashers know to not even bother attempting to get in, because as soon as they arrive, the bouncers will say, ‘You’re name’s not on the list, so you’re not coming in. Only special, beautiful, happy and loving people are allowed into the party.’

However, every now and then, my bouncers might be looking the wrong way, take their eye off of the ball for a few seconds and someone uninvited may make their way in. And that’s OK. It happens. If a party is that super cool, people are going to want to gatecrash it. However, the minute that things turn nasty, is when they get frogmarched out of the building by the bouncers, never to be allowed to return again, this time with a ban from the venue.

And sometimes, it’s important to get better bouncers, because they can get complacent from time to time and forget who they should and shouldn’t be letting into the party.

As I finished talking through this story, my dear friend told me that ‘I should be writing this shit down!’, so that’s what I’ve done.

Life is tough sometimes. Sometimes shit does happen. Sometimes really rubbish things happen to people who really don’t deserve them, but it’s how we deal with these situations that is important. And as hard as it seems in the moment, and even if it doesn’t make sense, everything happens for a reason. And when we can trust and believe and understand that in the moment, life becomes easier.

So, don’t feel bad if negative things or thoughts gatecrash your party. It’s OK, these things happen. Just make sure that your bouncers get rid of them as soon as possible, so the party can carry on and everyone continues to have fun.

Inspiration for this post



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