‘Rather than condemning yourself for your mistakes and failures, you can use the experience of suffering to soften your heart.’
– Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion –
Affirmation of the day – I LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF EXACTLY AS I AM.
So, the one and only gift that I decided to buy this year was a book, for myself, entitled, Self-Compassion. It was recommended to me, by a very beautiful friend, considering the slightly tricky time that I have been going through recently. So I decided to take his advice.
The opening quote in the book goes like this:
“This kind of compulsive concern with, ‘I, me, and mine’ isn’t the same as loving ourselves. Loving ourselves points us to capacities of resilience, compassion and understanding within that are simply part of being alive.” – Sharon Salzberg, The Force of Kindness
And I have a feeling that the theme of self-compassion is going to be something that will run through my blog posts over the next couple of weeks as I read the book, share my thoughts, feelings and learnings with you and really start to love myself, truly and deeply.
2013 has been an interesting one. I can’t complain, especially considering that at the beginning of the year I set the intention to improve my relationship with money and get a better handle on my finances.
Little did I know that the Universe had a pretty monumental way of teaching me the things that I needed to learn, coming in the form of me not earning anything from my business for the best part of 7 months, and me needing to allow my beautiful boyfriend to financially support me for the duration of that time.
However, I wouldn’t change a thing, as I feel as though I have learnt an incredible amount with regards to money and my relationship with it, and despite the fact that it will take me a little while to pay off my debt and get myself back on to an even keel, I’m much better off than where I started the year.
So, why the importance of self-compassion? I have definitely heard the voices in my head quite recently wanting to beat myself up for the fact that my business was a financial failure for the predominance of the year. And that same voice has been wanting to kick the sh1t out of me for having to be financially supported by my boyfriend, which has also left him in a less than ideal financial position. The voice that wants to blame me, that wishes I’d never had to ask for help. The voice that tells me that I’m weak and unsuccessful. The voice, that in actual fact, not really telling the truth.
Because the truth of the matter is, everything happens for a reason. And also, I asked for this. I wanted to improve my relationship with money, therefore I needed to be open to whichever way the lessons I needed to learn would show up. This is how the Universe works.
If I’m wanting to live a life of true abundance, I’m not going to be able to manifest things, money, people, businesses, customers, clients, opportunities etc. if I’m not open to receiving them, or if I don’t know what to do with them, once I have them.
So, now is not the time to beat myself up internally or berate myself. Now is the time to be kind and compassionate to myself. To be unconditionally loving and allow whatever feelings and emotions to come up that need to surface. To feel any pain, disappointment or sadness that I need to feel. But then not to be mean to myself because I’m feeling these things. Instead choose to comfort myself, just as I would a friend who would be going through the same thing. In short, to be the best friend that I could possibly be to myself.
In her book Self Compassion, Kristin Neff starts the book by clearly stating how we can be more compassionate to ourselves,
‘To stop judging and evaluating ourselves altogether. To stop trying to label ourselves as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and simply accept ourselves with an open heart. To treat ourselves with the same kindness, caring and compassion we would show a good friend, or even a stranger for that matter. Sadly, however, there’s almost no one whom we treat as badly as ourselves.’
And it is my mission and promise to myself to treat myself with the same level of love, kindness and compassion that I show to all of the beautiful people in my life. And I have a feeling that this will become the theme for 2014 for me. SELF COMPASSION and time to really start loving myself, truly, madly and deeply.
If you’d like to start this too, I can highly recommend writing a love letter to yourself. I did this yesterday, and it was definitely a very lovely experience. I also came across this beautiful video on finerminds.com this morning and it really inspired me and compliments the sentiment of my post today perfectly.
It’s rare that we sit down and write a letter to ourselves outlining all of the things that we love about ourselves, but I feel as though now is as good a time as any. There isn’t really anything to lose.
I’m really looking forward to seeing through the last remaining days of 2013, savouring every last one and preparing myself for an even bigger and better 2014. One filled with unconditional love for myself and others, and a life of effortless flow filled with abundance in all areas, business, relationships, love, health, finances, emotions and spirituality.
Sending you love and light,
Kat x x x
To learn more
Buy Self Compassion – stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind by Kristin Neff